


miscellaneous

by ymorton



Series: podsa tumblr fic [4]
Category: Pod Save America (RPF)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 07:27:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14467845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ymorton/pseuds/ymorton
Summary: a collection of miscellaneous/gen/rarepair fics i've posted on tumblr, ranging from a paragraph to ~1000 words. very loose. read at your own risk.





	1. camping

**Author's Note:**

> i'm in the process of moving shippy content off tumblr and onto ao3. most fills will have the original prompt in bold + the fill, or even LESS context than that. they're messy, informal, and poorly written but i've decided to give up on the idea that ao3 is only for perfectly polished works. hope you enjoy!

here's an Image: it is …. 2015 … emily and favs and tommy have gone camping somewhere in california. lovett didn’t go because camping is gross and uncomfortable. they set up some kind of HAMMOCK next to their YURT (idk are they glamping? maybe. tommy’s like, we need a real tent! and emily’s like, this is as far as i’m going. don’t push it, vietor.)  

ANYWAY favs has had a long week and they got high when they got up so he just like, settles in with a cup of coffee and a book that he immediately gets bored of and tosses on the ground. he starts scrolling thru twitter and eventually the sun gets him and he falls asleep. 

at one point TOMMY climbs in and sits top to toe with him, ipad balanced precariously on his lap, so they can talk about fenway and do businessy stuff. then he goes down to the lake? river? for a swim, stripping off his shirt as he goes. emily’s next, climbing over him, laughing when she almost knees him in the nuts. she puts her head on his chest, hand curled over his bicep, and favs stares up at the sun through the trees and thinks about like, the future. about what kind of ring she’d like. he goes into a whole spiral thinking about their vows, about watching her walk down the aisle, and then emily’s like, babe? i’m starving you want lunch? and favs snaps out of it (JESUS, SHE’S LIKE 24! relax jon!) and nods. 

emily returns a minute later and plops leo on his chest, all sun-warm and fluffy because tommy tried and failed to get him to come swimming. he licks favs’ face and then settles down against his side and favs drifts off again. 

mmmmmmmmm


	2. we fucked up

they’re driving back from chappaqua and the radio’s on low and tommy and their producer are asleep in the backseat and favs is like nodding off in the passenger seat but he looks over and lovett has both hands on the wheel and is just crying silently, shoulders heaving. favs is like “dude?” and lovett shakes his head, slides his sunglasses down over his eyes. favs can still see the tear tracks on his cheeks. 

“lovett,” he says quietly. lovett shakes his head again, wipes his nose on his hand. favs waits him out.

“we fucked up so bad,” lovett says finally. his voice shudders and breaks. “jon, we fucked up so bad.” 

favs looks at him, helpless. “i know.” 

“we-” he breaks off and squeezes the wheel, shivers. “god. fuck.  _fuck_.” 

favs reaches over and gingerly touches his arm, rubs up and down. “i know, dude.” 

lovett sniffles hard, shakes him off and turns the radio up. when favs settles back in his seat he sees tommy looking at him in the rearview mirror, eyes open, listening. 


	3. genderswap

honestly every single variation of the “one of them is a cis girl” trope is beautiful and hot and valid 

like… let’s start with tommy as a cis girl…fuck. athletic and sunny and blonde, kicked ass in field hockey and wears heels even tho she’s already like 5′11″, was a DEBUTANTE or some shit, calls her mom on the reg even though her mom is always asking if she’s dating someone, foreign policy nerd who doesn’t get taken seriously and quietly obsesses over every mistake she makes. favs is In Love with her and In Awe of her and would be perfectly happy doing whatever she tells him to do for the rest of his life (even though they both insist they’re just best friends ETC) 

LOVETT! lovett as a girl! lovett as a girl is a LITTLE too on-the-nose projection, like we all want to be annoying and loved like lovett. it gets way too obvious and it bums me out. but STILL!!! short and soft and plain and loud and a bitch and favs and tommy have to practically carry her out of bars when she gets drunk and starts running her mouth. refuses to wear heels even though she’s tiny. tommy doesn’t see her in a dress until like the first white house correspondents dinner and he’s like damn lovett, you clean up nice, and lovett gives him the finger. favs dates a string of hot tall skinny models but lovett falls asleep on the sofa in his office some nights, curled up in a t-shirt with a speech draft tucked under one arm, and favs watches her and doesn’t know what the fuck he’s feeling (hint: it’s love. it’s TRUE loVE) 

favs ohhhhh myyyyy god. girl favs. jaw-droppingly beautiful and kinda shy and smart and wants to be taken seriously, works her ass off but creepy politicians still invite her up for drinks to "talk about her ideas" and end up putting a hand on her knee. she hangs around with her loud ass gbf lovett and her other best friend tommy, who would  _literally_  kill for her but he knows if he ever said something like that she’d roll her eyes and shove him. wears sensible navy-blue dresses and pearls and no make-up and can ramble about health care policy for a half hour straight. good catholic girl. tommy loves her and pretends he doesn’t. he  loves to see her at the end of a long week with her blazer off and her bare feet up on her rolly office chair, drinking red bull and squinting at her laptop screen. she comes over to watch football in just gym shorts and a tank and she falls asleep on him and he has to put his hand on the back of the couch or he’ll touch her hair. 


	4. crooked cabin

i’m in a cabin alone in rural north wisconsin and it’s making me think of a crucial au idea we missed: A CROOKED MEDIA RETREAT WHERE THEY DO GROUP BONDING EXERCISES and smoke a lot of weed after dan goes to bed (sorry dan) and do outdoorsy things and lovett screams and falls out of a canoe.

-

hey guys the power is now out (cool.) so imagine that happening to their rustic air bnb and they all FLIP OUT bc no twitter ?? no email?? they have to light candles and drink whiskey to survive and they play cards until its too dark to see and then they tell campaign stories and reminisce and lovett finally, FINALLY opens the FUCK up and gets emotional about HILLARY CLINTON (and then falls asleep with his head in tommy’s lap as tommy clumsily strokes his hair under the cover of darkness)

-

there’s a big spider in the bathroom and favs freaks out and walks outside and just stares at the lake (ocean? river?) like muttering to himself. they have to coax him back inside. at some point he probably needs to come into tommy’s room in the middle of the night, clutching a pillow to his chest like a literal child, and sheepishly be like “There was a spider, uhh..” and Tommy’s asleep like “I’m not getting up, you wimp, but you can come in here if you want.” 

tommy scoots over and lifts the covers up. favs is like, “don’t tell lovett about this.” obviously tommy’s gonna tell lovett, but maybe he won’t tell lovett about how favs cuddles into him and wakes up with a boner, clinging to him and breathing into his neck. tommy has to shake him awake, but it's hard, because jon's all warm against him and deep asleep. tommy rubs the back of his head and then his back, like, “dude, get up-“ and jon just hums and moves closer. tommy laughs a little, says real soft, “hey, man, c’mon, wake up. dan’s making breakfast.” 

finally favs comes to himself and stops lowkey humping tommy’s leg and stumbles out of bed to the shower. When he comes downstairs (fresh and clean and loose from jerkin’ it), they’re all in the kitchen and lovett’s being a MONSTER, like, “so if I see a spider in my room do I get to have a sleepover too, tommy?” and tommy gives him the finger and says, “in your dreams, lovett. favs, you want pancakes?” 


	5. phone sex

“Tell me what you wanted to do,” Emily says. “Tell me what you were thinking about doing.”

“Touching him,” Jon manage, face red, eyes shut tight. 

Emily laughs, high in her throat. “More- more specific. C’mon.”  

_Kissing him_ , Jon almost says, but that’s probably not the right tone for phone sex. The truth is he’s not sure. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to touch Lovett’s soft waist, fit it in his hands and squeeze hard. He wanted to grope Lovett’s chest through his sweater til his nipples were hard and he was making the same whimpery noises Emily makes when he does that to her.

“I don’t know,” he gasps. He unzips his jeans all the way and rubs himself through his briefs. “Making- making him feel good. Wanted to make him feel good.” 

“Making him feel good with your hand?” Emily suggests, voice shaky. “With- with your mouth?”

“Christ.” Jon presses down hard, jaw clenching. “Emily.”  

“You’re so good with your mouth, babe.” 

Lovett probably wouldn’t think so. Lovett wouldn’t be impressed. Jon’s never used his mouth on a guy. He can’t stop squeezing his dick thinking about it now though. _Christ_.

“So good,” Emily repeats, breathier. “Fuck, I wish you were here.” 

Jon does too. He rubs his fingers over his mouth, eyes shutting. 

“Wish you were both here,” Emily says dreamily. “Wish I could watch you go down on me and then on him, _fuck_. Your pretty mouth. You’re so pretty, babe.” 

Jon slips his fingers in his mouth helplessly. Emily always fucking gets him with this pretty stuff. He really wishes he weren’t such a freak about it but he just- is. Thank god she likes it too. 

“You want to go down on him?” she murmurs. 

“Wanna make him feel good,” Jon gasps, covering his face with his wet hand.

“He’d feel so good like that.” She whimpers. “Your mouth is so good, Jon.”     


	6. movie AUs

**mean girls:** lovett is janis ian, he is the most janis ian to ever janis ian. favs is cady- innocent and pretty- and tommy? is…. regina????? but a secretly nice regina? 

**any horror movie** : lovett’s the one who makes snarky little quips and is like of course i dont believe in gHOSTS i believe in SCIENCE, favs is the jumpy one who’s like "Wait did you hear that?" and it’s just a squirrel ,and tommy saves all their lives when the ghosts attack. 

**ferris bueller:** TOUGH!!!! SO TOUGH!!!! i feel in my heart tommy is cameron.  but is lovett … ferris? i don’t think high school lovett is but adult lovett maybe?  favs isn’t much of a rulebreaker but maybe he does break the rules for the love of his life jon lovett maybe favs is my beautiful heart-shaped face daughter sLOANE!!! i do love the mental image of beautiful favs, bored and chewing on a pencil in class until lovett busts him out and drives him to chicago with trusty sidekick tommy who is in love with them both 

**orphan black** : OHHHHHHHHHH NO. ob AUs are SO hard to cast. ngl favs being the clone is .. hot. i wanna see a thousand versions of favs, including a hypersmart gay scientist favs and his TRUEST form, a preppy uptight suburban dad. CAN TOMMY BE PAUL????? BIG DICK PAUL WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIS MARK? AND LOVETT IS MY BABY BOY FELIX…??? WOULD KILL FOR SARAH!FAVS, ALWAYS READY WITH A WITTY COMMENT? 

**juno** : lovett’s pregnant for sure but honestly either favs or tommy can be michael cera and it’d be equally heartwrenching

**13 going on 30** : i’m into lovett!Jenna who wishes to be rich and popular and ends up in a big house in LA lonely and awful w/o his childhood best friend, former chubby nerd tommy who becomes a buff lax bro after the love of his life lovett rejects him in 7th grade in favor of beautiful but evil blonde ronan f*rrow (MMM, RONAN AND TOMMY EXCHANGING BARBS. “good to see you ro-ro!” “you lost all your baby fat! hows the vietor beaver stay warm in the winter?”)

**cruel intentions:** EVERYONE’S TOO NICE??????  is tommy sebastian, lovett kathryn, and…. favs, my dumb coweyed innocent COMMITTED CATHOLIC VIRGIN dadson, reese witherspoon?????? does tommy gently take his virginity and then get hit by a car and die??? hmmm. 

**10 things i hate about you** : none of these fuckers are badass or misunderstood but i think if we are creative we can figure this out. lovett is angry enough to be kat, but WHO IS HIS HEATH LEDGER. favs is def bianca. “i know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed but can you ever just be whelmed?” is definitely a favs line

**bring it on:** FAVS AND TOMMY ARE MALE CHEERLEADERS!!!!! THE TRUEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN!!!! F-F-F-FAVREAU! YOU’RE CAPTAIN FAVREAU!!! lovett is tommy's nerdy brother with big yellow headphones and strong opinions who favs falls for even though he has a PHILANDERING FORMER CHEER CAPTAIN COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND (sorry emily but you’d look great at the top of a human pyramid.)

**brokeback mountain** : i know what ur thinking, clearly favs is the most repressed so he should be ennis, but CONSIDER FAVS!JACK. bright-eyed slapping the steering wheel and whistling as he drives hours to meet stonefaced hottie cowboy tommy del vietor up in wyoming and then crying on the ride home. “favs, i swear” 


	7. great au ideas

  * favs and lovett are novelists and their books debut at #1 and #2 on the bestsellers list and lovett hates him til they have to do a book tour together
  * tommy’s a flight attendant and lovett’s a whiny passenger who loses his luggage and for some reason has to go stay at tommy’s lonely little apartment for the night
  * lovett’s a barista to support his terrible stand-up career and favs is the writer who holes up in the corner of his cafe for hours
  * ghost hunter!tommy/clairvoyant!favs
  * they all work in the same boring office and go out and complain on friday nights
  * favs is a senator and lovett is a lobbyist, their affair is a serious(ly HOT!) ethics breach
  * lovett is a cranky curator of a tiny museum and tommy’s family collects expensive art. they fuck on a Monet
  * lovett waits table in the hamptons during his college summers and tommy’s a silver spoon trust fund baby who wants to learn how the unwashed masses live (by sucking lovett’s dick)
  * tommy’s a spoiled college boy whose dad bought a library to get him in and favs is a blue collar boston boy there on scholarship, will they won’t they (they will, in the school library)
  * tommy works as a fisherman on his father’s boat. favs is a merman. they have shape of water-style sex in tommy’s bathtub
  * favs and tommy are strippers and lovett keeps getting dragged out to the club where they work for various bachelor parties
  * they all play in a TERRIBLE band
  * lovett’s a screenwriter and favs is a famous actor and his muse/best friend
  * favs is a quiet kind zookeeper and lovett gets trapped in the zoo
  * lovett directs porn. turbo top tommy and big-dicked doe-eyed favs are porn stars.
  * favs is a goodhearted security guard and tommy and lovett are trying to pull off a heist
  * TOMMY TRAINS DOGS, LOVETT… _IS_ A DOG. wait no lovett HAS a dog, that makes more sense
  * favs and emily run a hippie dippie clothing-optional organic farm and lovett gets lost on a road trip and ends up stuck there with a broken-down car (and a broken-down HEART)




	8. dare you

** okay but like... Lovett drunkenly daring Favs and Tommy to make out and them actually doing it  **

anon what a BEAUTIFUL idea!!!!!!! LOL imagine it on the campaign trail. favs and tommy host a DEMOCRATIC UNITY party at their chicago house after obama gets the nomination. lovett rolls up with a crew of surly hillary people, they start playing drinking games, favs is EXTREMELY drunk and giggly, tommy is high out of his mind and pressed next to favs on the couch, and lovett’s sitting pretzel-legged in an armchair like- You. you. (pointing at them) make out. i want to see straight boring obama bros make out. in the name of democratic unity. i  _dare_  you. (he probably gets a chant going tbh.) 

favs is all flushed like ha ha ha shut up!!! and tommy looks lovett straight in the face (this TINY annoyed little hillary guy who’s been pissing him off all primary season) and is like, fine. tommy can’t turn down a dare. tommy is a dare CHAMPION!!!!! as a child tommy ate a fucking  _worm_  for a dare. he threw it up immediately but the point stands. 

(favs goes very stiff and surprised when tommy flips lovett off and leans over, grabbing the back of his head and planting one on him. it lasts like 10 seconds and everyone cheers and it’s only in the very last moment that favs’ mouth softens and opens a little bit, curious. when tommy pulls back favs coughs and reaches for his drink, and the party moves on, but lovett keeps watching them from his little armchair throne, like he owns the place, eyes narrowed like he knows tommy almost popped a boner tasting favs’ mouth.)


	9. blindfold

Lovett lets himself into the house and calls, “Emily? Jon?” 

Nothing. He bends down to scratch Leo’s fluffy head and then goes up the stairs two at a time. He knows he left his spare iPad _somewhere_ , he just doesn’t remember where. He stayed overnight a few weeks ago, so it might be in the guest room, or- 

He hears a muffled sound from down the hall and stops short, breath catching. Shit. He is so not prepared to fight off an intruder. 

“Jon?” he whisper-calls. No response. Lovett fingers his phone in his pocket and creeps down towards the master bedroom. The door’s closed, and as he puts his hand on the knob he hears, from inside- 

“Emily?” 

It’s just Favs. Lovett blows out a relieved breath and shoves the door open. 

“Jesus, Jon, you scared me-“ 

He stops dead. 

“Lovett?” Jon’s voice is panicky. “Lovett, is that you?” 

Lovett can’t speak. He can’t breathe. Jon’s tied to the bed with a blindfold over his eyes, like he’s been kidnapped. He’s also completely naked, which- Lovett squeezes his eyes as far shut as he can without fully closing them. It’s possible he’s been sexy-kidnapped. Lovett’s not sure which option is worse. 

“Lovett?” Jon says, kicking one leg. The chain it’s attached to rattles. “Hello? Emily?” 

“Oh god,” Lovett breathes. 

“Lovett!” Jon yelps, arms flexing. He’s handcuffed to the bedposts. This is a nightmare. This is Lovett’s worst nightmare. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“I left my - my- oh, my _god_.” Lovett turns away. “Oh my god.“ 

“Is Emily back? Is she here? Did she-” 

“No,” Lovett says, shaking his head violently, but the image is still fresh. Naked. Spread-eagled. Tied up. How is Favs so tan, like, everywhere? Even the insides of his thighs are- “Oh god. God. Are you- are you, like, okay?” 

“I’m fine, you fucker, obviously, I’m-“ 

He’s cut off by footsteps pounding up the stairs and then Emily saying, voice high, “Babe, babe, Lovett is-“ 

She stops just inside the doorway, and Lovett turns around, pointedly not looking at Jon on the bed. 

“Here,” she finishes, wide-eyed, wincing. She has a CVS bag in one hand. 

“Sorry!” Lovett says, very loud. “Sorry! Accident! Horrible accident!” 

“Can someone take this off me so I can fucking see?” Jon wriggles his head against the bed like he’s trying to push the blindfold off with no hands. It makes his dick bounce against his thigh and Lovett turns against the wall again, trying to take deep breaths. 

“You- stay there,” Emily orders, shoving him closer to the wall. “Here, babe.” 

Lovett opens his eyes and carefully considers the beige paint job on the walls while the handcuffs rattle behind him. 

“I need brain bleach,” he announces, and Emily snaps, “Shut up, Lovett.” 

\---

Emily laughs and steals his glass of wine because hers is empty. “I still can’t believe that. You completely ruined my carefully-planned day.” 

“It was a mutual day-ruining, if that helps at all,” Lovett says. “I still have nightmares. Flashbacks.” 

“Okay, please don’t act like that wasn’t hot as fuck.” Emily’s cheeks are pink. She’s definitely tipsy, but Lovett is too. He doesn’t have anything in the morning, it’s fine. “I mean, not you walking in on us like an idiot, but like. Come on.” 

“I’m not a creep, Emily.” 

“You’re also not _blind_ ,” she says, gesturing with the wineglass and then draining it. “He looked perfect. I should’ve taken pictures.” 

Lovett winces. “Jesus, please don’t. We are a fledgling media company, we don’t need a sex scandal this early on.” 

Emily just giggles and reaches for the wine bottle for a refill. She offers it to Lovett, and Lovett sighs and takes it. 

“So,” he says, focusing on the glug of wine into his glass. “Do you guys, uh, do that often?” 

He sets the bottle back on the coffee table, very slowly and carefully, and finally looks up. She’s smirking over the rim of her glass at him. 

“Oh my god, it’s just a question. I’m just making conversation. Shut up.” 

“Like the- handcuffs?” Emily says. “How often do we do that?” 

Lovett goes hot. “And the, uh, the blindfold,” he says, not looking at her. That’s the part that’s burned the deepest into his poor put-upon brain, Favs with his eyes covered like that, his mouth open, straining to hear whoever was watching him. “That- that.” 

“Not often,” Emily says. “Turns out getting him to tell me what kind of stuff he wants to try is kinda like pulling teeth.” 

“Catholic,” Lovett says, and Emily sighs and nods. 

“What would you have- done? If I hadn’t, uh-“ 

Emily narrows her eyes at him. Lovett holds her gaze, uncomfortable. 

“I probably would’ve sat on his face,” she says, and smiles. 

Lovett chokes on his wine, coughs into his hand. “Cool. Cool. Glad I asked.” 

“Yeah,” she says thoughtfully, shifting in her seat. “For like a while.” 

Lovett takes a soothing sip of wine. “Does he get to- you know. Uhh.” Good god, this is such a bad line of questioning. 

“Come?” Emily asks. “Eventually. After I do.” 

She’s a little red herself. She takes a defiant gulp of wine. 

“Sounds rough,” Lovett says stupidly. 

“Oh, he likes it,” she says. “You know he didn’t come at all when you guys were on tour? I made him wait til he got home.” 

“Oh- my god,” Lovett chokes. “Okay. Good to know.” 

She laughs. “He kept texting me to whine about it. It was- fun.” 

“Weird idea of fun,” Lovett says, thinking about it, helplessly. Jon on the bus, wanting to come. Jon on stage, wanting to come. Jon in the hotel at night, in bed, wanting- 

He shakes his head quickly but it’s stuck in there, along with that horrible fever vision of Jon naked and strung up and blinded. 

Emily touches his thigh with her foot and he jumps. “What?” 

“Finish the bottle?” she asks, holding it out to him, looking at him knowingly. 

“Yes,” Lovett says desperately. Alcohol might help. “Thanks.” 


	10. lost in the airport

** EMJONJON “do you want me to come too?” **

Emily looks up from her phone.

“Wait a minute,” she says. “Where’s Jon?”

Lovett hums, deleting his unposted Tweet about airport lines. It wasn’t funny enough. God, maybe he’s losing his touch. “I don’t know.”

“He was sitting right here.”

“Maybe he went to get coffee.”

“His coffee’s right here,” Emily says, voice rising. “And his phone! He never leaves his phone. Shit, we have to find him.”

“Emily, he’s a grown adult. We don’t need a fucking AMBER Alert.”

“He’s on his pills.” Emily stands up, hoisting her backpack over her shoulders. “And he took three this time instead of two because our last flight was so bad.”

Lovett’s heard all about that flight. The plane lurched at one point and people screamed. Jon almost had a panic attack in his seat.

“ _And_  he had a beer at home before we left,” Emily says, scooping up her plastic bag full of magazines. “We have to find him!”

She stands there for a minute, expectantly, and then adds- “Lovett. Hello.”

Lovett looks up from where he’s ensconced in wires, his laptop and iPad plugged in next to him, headphones on, hoodie tucked over his lap, latte in one hand. “Oh, you want me to come too?”

She glares at him. “Ohhh, I don’t know. My husband’s just drugged up and loose in the airport. It’s either come along now or come when we have to bail him out of airport jail after he’s captured and  _strip-searched_.”

“Jesus,” Lovett mutters, starting to gather up his things. “Dramatic.”

They split up- Emily takes the B gates and Lovett takes C. He sips his latte and scans the seats, looking for a tall, stumbling, handsome man. When Jon’s on his pills he likes napping and shopping so Lovett has to look  _everywhere_ \- Jon could be sprawled out on a row of empty seats or dropping exorbitant amounts of cash on overpriced candy. It’s annoying. Jon’s annoying. Lovett sighs and keeps walking. 

Finally he spots a familiar head of dark hair inside a Brooks Brothers store. Of course. He digs out his phone.

_Found him_ , he texts Emily.  _Brooks brothers store near C17._

He tucks his phone back in his pocket and gives a tight smile to the cashier, a smile that conveys  _I respect you but I will never spend money in this establishment_. Jon’s at the very back of the store, slowly sorting through a rack of ugly button-downs. Lovett snorts and touches his shoulder.

“Jon. Hey.”

Jon turns around and a grin spreads over his face. He looks half asleep. “Lovett, hey.”

“You idiot. We were looking for you.”

“Did you call my phone?” Jon starts fumbling around in his pockets. “Shit, I must have put it on airport mode.”

“Airport mode,” Lovett repeats, slowly.

“Airplane,” Jon says, starting to giggle. “You know what I mean.”

“You don’t have your phone, you moron. You left it at the gate. Emily has it.”

Jon nods, absorbing that information calmly, still patting his pockets. “Where’s Emily?”

“She’s out looking for you near the B gates.”

“But I’m over here,” Jon says helpfully. “I’m shopping.”

He holds up a shirt, light blue with white stripes. It looks like something a frat brother would wear to brunch with his parents the morning after he hazed a pledge to death. “Hey, do you like this shirt?”

“Please tell me that’s a rhetorical question. It’s horrible.”

“What? You don’t like it? I bought three. All different colors.” Jon hoists a plastic bag in one hand, squinting at him. “Do you think Emily will like it?”

Lovett inhales deeply. “Can we just- can we get out of here? It’s technically a hate crime to force a gay person to be inside a Brooks Brothers.”

Jon laughs and slings an arm around his shoulder, steers them out of the store. “You want to get coffee? I could use a coffee.”

“You had a coffee, Jon, you left it at the-“

“Bye, Jon!” the cashier calls from behind the counter. “Have a good trip!”

“See ya, dude!” Jon calls back, waving with the arm he has around Lovett’s shoulders. Lovett waits til he’s out of the store before he hisses, “You made friends with the sales guy?”

“Oh, yeah, he’s cool,” Jon says. He’s leaning against Lovett a little as he walks. Lovett really hopes he doesn’t collapse and make a scene. “He recommended the shirts.”

“Then he’s not your friend.”

Jon laughs more than the joke deserves and presses a kiss to Lovett’s temple. Lovett makes a face and wriggles out from under his arm.

“God, you’re genuinely stoned right now, aren’t you.”

“We need to find Emily,” Jon says, ignoring the question. “And get our bags. Should I call an Uber? Where’s Emily?”

“Jon.  _Jon_. We haven’t left yet. We’re at LAX. We’re flying to New York. We have to get on a plane.”  

Jon’s fumbling in his pockets again.

“Emily has your phone, Favs,” Lovett says, trying and failing not to smile. He’s just so fucking stupid. Lovett’s gonna make fun of him for this for like,  _weeks_. “Remember? And she’s gonna meet us, I told her where we are.”

Jon groans. “Why’d she take my phone?”

“She didn’t- you- oh god. Just shut up for a while, okay?” Lovett pulls out his phone. He has four missed calls from Emily, along with several all-caps-lock texts, and he sighs. “And now she’s gonna be pissed at me too, even though I’m the one who found you and saved your life. Thanks, Jon.”

“Sorry,” Jon says, sounding genuinely contrite. He tries to put his arm around Lovett again and Lovett ducks away. “So, uh- wait. Where’s Emily?”

“Shh,” Lovett says, patting his back. “Shh.”

“Can we get coffee?” Jon peers into the plastic bag over his wrist like he has no clue what’s in there. He pulls out one of the terrible shirts and smiles to himself. 

“We’ll get coffee, Jon. Just shh for a while.” 


	11. emjonjon miscellaneous

** emjonjon would have to entail the two of them working behind a clueless jons back to come up with a tactical game plan/attack strategy. i know this deep in my heart. **

THIS IS A TRICK QUESTION BECAUSE  _WHICH JON_. I know you probably mean favs, and i do love a good oblivious straight boy needing to be talked into an ot3, but in this parTICULAR case i kinda think lovett (a proud gay idiot) is the one who would need convincing that this could ever actually be a thing. maybe favs and emily talk about it a lil in bed. maybe it’s a fantasy thing until it’s not. maybe favs is guilt-wracked and sick over it until the night where they’re all watching tv and lovett falls asleep on favs’ thigh and then wakes up sleepy-eyed and yawning and favs has to stop stroking his hair when lovett rolls off the couch to go pee and emily says, “maybe we should, like, actually talk to him about this.” and favs says, playing dumb, “talk about what?” and she puts his hand on his hard cock and says quietly, almost pityingly, “this, babe” and favs shivers and lets her kiss his dumb slack open mouth until lovett comes back in, wiping his hands on his jeans and complaining about the movie they watched

-

** nooooooo what are your thoughts on jonjonemily I NEED TO KNOW!!! **

i so usually do not fuck with things that are purely fluffy but just!!!! i keep picturing them like falling into this casual intimate relationship and then deciding to like get drunk and set Boundaries and like, make it a real thing. usually i cannot STAND overt kink/poly negotiation or defining things clearly in fic lol it just takes me right out of the world but i just have a vision of them sitting around on the back porch with a couple bottles of wine and lovett setting down his glass dramatically and being like no offense but i’m not going to do anything… vaginal. that is not my scene. and favs is like covering his face like oh my GOD lovett jesus christ and emily’s like no one asked you to??? like, i didn’t ask??????? 

and likkeeeee favs and lovett sharing a hotel room when they travel to do a podsa show and emily facetimes them while lovett’s asleep on favs’ chest and favs is whispering but lovett wakes up and is squinting at the phone like hi emily and emily’s like hi babe how was the show???? and lovett’s like we never negotiated you calling me babe but i’ll allow it and favs laughs and ruffles his hair 

AND IT’S ALL HEALTHY AND SOFT!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

hello everyone happy sunday night i just did shrooms for the first time this fine afternoon frankly i was a little underwhelmed but it did make me think about like tommy taking his bros out to the DESERT (joshua tree?? brooo!) for a pre-wedding weekend and all of them getting high and fucked up and bonding and talking about life and favs having a bad trip and getting ALL up in his own anxieties and needing lovett to talk him down and lovett’s like “well, we’re ALL going to die eventually, it’s inevitable- oh is that not- is that not helping? fuck i’m not good at this should i go get tommy?” and favs is just like, “no dude keep talking keep- keep talking, don’t stop talking”, and like puts his head in lovett’s lap and shuts his eyes and randomly shoots upright like IS THERE AN EARTHQUAKE? DID THE - DID THE GROUND JUST- and lovett is recording it all and snapchatting it to emily while laughing to himself and shes like  _HAHAHAH POOR BABY!!! take care of him or I’ll kill you._

_-_

** E/J/J where one of the Js don’t realize they’re dating until months into it **

THAT IS PERFECT!!!!!! I WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS FOREVER!!!!!! LIKE THEY DISCUSS IT ONE NIGHT WHEN LOVETT’S TIPSY AND SLEEPY WITH HIS HEAD IN EMILY’S LAP AND JON’S KIND OF HALTINGLY MUMBLING ABOUT SOMETHING BORING (!THEIR RELATIONSHIP!) IN HIS LOW SOOTHING VOICE AND LOVETT DOESN’T HEAR A WORD, CAN BARELY KEEP HIS EYES OPEN, JUST KEEPS NODDING SO FAVS WON’T REALIZE HE’S ASLEEP. in reality he has just nod-agreed to A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS TWO BEST FRIENDS. and he has no idea. 

and after that night things mostly continue as normal. sure, emily invites him to sleep over a few times, but the first time it’s only because favs and lovett are arguing on the couch at like 11pm and she wants them both to shut up. the second time is because lovett’s drunk at a HBO-and-chill sunday night party and emily steers him upstairs, gets him down into the empty bed and goes back downstairs. it’s not lovett’s fault that he wakes up next to both of them the next morning. it’s not his fault favs is sprawled out in bed in tiny tommyjohn underwear like a fucking dumb pinup snoring with his mouth open! 

and then, like.. they spend most nights on the couch together, or brainstorming in starbucks for a change of pace, or walking the dogs. favs picks up both emily and lovett’s prescriptions when he’s at walgreens, and emily starts buying those avocado oil potato chips lovett likes. they go out to dinner and favs picks up the check, says “shut up, dude” when lovett tries to throw down his credit card. “i’ll pay you back,” lovett says as they’re walking back to the car. favs is holding emily’s hand and has his other hand on lovett’s shoulder, warm and heavy. “don’t be an idiot,” favs says, and opens the car door for him. 

(HOW DOES LOVETT REALIZE? IS IT BECAUSE FAVS TRIES TO KISS HIM AT THE OFFICE ONCE AND LOVETT SHOVES HIM AWAY AND IS LIKE “WHAT THE FUCK FAVS?” AND FAVS IS ALL BRIGHT RED AND ASHAMED? IDK.)

-

** omg people finding out about emjonjon **

I LOVE IT! god!!!

because it can be LOLZY like dan walking in on them in bed together and staggering away with his hand over his face scarred for life like OH JESUS SORRY while favs throws the duvet off and is like “dan, shit, shit, wait, i can explain-” and lovett just starts laughing hysterically 

or CUTE like tommy forgetting his wallet at jon's house and coming back to see emily and lovett cuddled asleep on the couch and favs grateful and dumb-happy about it 

or ANGSTY like favs’ mom showing up an hour early for brunch on a sunday morning and throwing open the bedroom door like “emily honey rise and shine!” and emily and lovett are MOSTLY NAKED and curled in bed (favs is out for a run) and favs’ mom backs away in mute horror and turns to run down the stairs and emily’s like scrambling out of bed grabbing for a robe like “wait, please-” and lovett feels weird and terrible!!!! 

i love it all.

-

no offense but favs taking a break from the dance floor at tommy’s wedding reception and sitting at a table to rehydrate and tommy comes over to hug him and thank him for his toast and favs looks over tommys shoulder and laughs and tommy twists around to see lovett and emily on the dance floor, practically doubled over from laughing so hard. emily’s clutching lovett’s shoulder. tommy turns back and sees favs smiling, eyes soft.

“how’s that work?” tommy asks, because he’s had a few glasses of champagne and he’s been dying to know. they’re quiet about it but he’s walked in on enough compromising situations to know things are different than they were.

“no idea,” favs says, still watching them. he looks back at tommy and grins. “just does.” 


End file.
